By Eric Terman
Marion, Illinois, United States Penitentiary- When Carson Greene regretfully agreed to a plea deal of two and a half years for tax evasion, his first thought was not of the freedoms he would be stripped of or the wife and children whose constant reassuring and calming presence he would be denied. Carson Greene’s first concern was of his physical well-being; specifically the sodomy he would soon endure.
“I would explain to Carson that the evidence was stacked against him and that incarceration would be unavoidable. The conversation would always turn towards prison sodomy; how much it would hurt, how frequent it could be, and if there was anything that could be done to prevent it,” Explained attorney Alexander Felt. “His singular focus was always on preventing sodomy. He asked me if he could work it into the plea deal to agree to do additional time in prison in exchange for not having to be sodomized. I told him [the state] couldn’t make that guarantee.”
After weeks of lost sleep and indecisiveness over whether to proceed to trial, revelation came to Greene in the form of a dream. “I dreamt that I was soaring through the clouds, waving at airplanes as they passed by, petting the birds and eagles, when suddenly I became stuck to a cloud. And I couldn’t fly anymore. And I realized the cloud was made of glue. And I awoke instantly and realized, I just needed to superglue my asshole shut!
There is a God, and this is his sign. I knew then what I had to do” rationalized Greene. “So I called my lawyer instantly and told him I’d be taking a deal.”
Those close to him were surprised by Greene’s sudden reversal, and expressed bafflement over what appeared to be an acceptance of inevitable forced anal penetration. “Carson would talk about virtually nothing, for weeks, but how much he sympathized for the victims of involuntary sodomy, and how he prayed that somehow God could spare him of such a punishment, and then all of a sudden he wanted a plea-deal and to get his sentencing as quickly as possible. It took forever before he told me what changed his mind,” said wife Christy Greene. Our son was surprised too when Carson said he’d accept jail time.”
“Daddy said he didn’t want his butt to hurt”, stated son Will Greene. “But then he said it wouldn’t have to.”
One day before reporting to the Marion Penitentiary to begin serving his 30 month sentence, Carson Green purchased one cyanoacrylate The Original Super Glue tube from a local hard-ware store. He then carefully applied the glue to his anus, one drop at a time.
“I musta used half that tube!” said Greene. “I wanted to make sure nothing was getting in there. My first night in the joint I took a shower, and this guy who goes by Skull says ‘hey, check out the new guy’. You should have seen the looks on their faces! It was exhilarating. He was shouting like, ‘hey, what the fuck? I can’t get it in!’ It was incredible.”
“I’ve been feeling a bit sick though lately. I don’t know what it is. My stomach has just been killing me. The food here obviously ain’t gourmet, but I guess I just really haven’t adjusted to it. I mean I guess that’s what’s making me feel so sick. Either that or the fact that I haven’t taken a shit in more than a week.”